Become unstoppable: it all starts with self-love
The most common hurdle from a mindset perspective that I hear coming up is lack of self-love. This in turn is at the root of lack of confidence, impostor syndrome, self-doubt, analysis paralysis, perfectionism, and so many other barriers to creation and blossoming of potential. When you start embracing self-love, you are finally able to become the most bold and vibrant version of yourself. You start being able to create impact and change by making the most of your inner gifts. There is no “normal” and fitting in is boring anyways, so you might as well focus your power and purpose on what really matters to you. When you build on your own authenticity, you can truly live your own message and become unstoppable. It all starts with self-love, with sometimes seems so unattainable. But it really is a lot less complicated than we make it for ourselves. Here are four steps to get you there:
1. Shut your inner mean girl up
You know the one I mean right? It seems like everything is going your way and she suddenly decides to rock up with negative talk. “You’re not good enough for this”. “These people are so much smarter than me.” “Your body is disgusting, you should not wear that.” No matter when she pops up, her criticism is never constructive, yet her gloomy vibe is enough to bring you down and dent your self-esteem and mood. You have to stop allowing that. She is nothing but a liar, and the more you allow her to take over and fall into pity-fests, the more frequently and stronger her voice is. But there is nothing stopping you from kicking her out of your life. Whether she is the a pity party princess, the perfectionist type or the queen of comparison, her only purpose is self-sabotage and trying to hold you back in old patterns, which you have been trying to change. Just being aware of her is a major accomplishment, because you can then recognize her interference, and make a conscious choice not to take her seriously. Kindly push her away! Keep challenging her thoughts and her words, always. No time for negativity. If you want to gain deeper insight on understanding what drives your inner mean girl and how to remove her from your life, I highly encourage you to read Inner Mean Girl, by Melissa Ambrosini.
2. Be compassionate and treat yourself like you would treat others
So it’s nice to know you should kick your inner mean girl and negative thoughts to the side, but how do you do that in practice? How do you transform those thoughts into positive and supportive ones? The most pivotal concept here is compassion, and more specifically self-compassion. If you think about it, we often think of compassion as something we do for others. It’s an external process. But when you turn that compassion internally, and embrace self-compassion, you are able to start giving your positive thoughts momentum, and delve into the amazing choices and opportunities you have. As soon as you notice old patterns or triggers popping up, give room to self-compassion. Engage in a dialogue with yourself if need be, but always from a place of kindness; speak to your inner child. When you do that, you start treating yourself like you would others. You would not negatively judge and critique your best friend’s lack of motivation or ability, or her body shape for that matter. You would not want a child to multitask and eat whilst stuck to his iPad or screen, or stuff themself to the brim with junk food. You wouldn’t tell children their dreams are unrealistic or that they will never achieve them. So, why would you do that to yourself? When you love others you are generous to them, treat them well and help them do their best. The same attitude applies to you. You are not any less worthy than anybody else.
3. Allow yourself to slow down
Sometimes it’s ok to have a day off because you’re not feeling motivated. You may have set yourself an unrealistically long list of to-dos and lost your mojo. That happens. There is no point feeling like a failure; nothing is more human. We all have off days. When you allow yourself breaks, some time-off, and a change of perspective, your zing will come back in full swing, and suddenly you’ll be cranking out work and slaying your goals like no other. I’m a firm believer in working smarter not harder, and I know myself well enough to admit I’m not a person who can work 24/7 and still be my best and put out my best work. When I allow myself fun and plan activities with my boyfriend or friends, I come back refreshed and can work with all my energy. When you love yourself enough to enjoy these moments, you are also allowing yourself to up your standards for your goals, as you thenhave enough clarity and self-respect to do so.
4. Make self-care part of your daily life
In the same way that it’s perfectly ok to be slower some days and not in the zone 24/7, it’s also so important to actually carve out time each day for self-care and doing things you love. This should be something simple and easy (a nice bath, lighting a few candles and relaxing in the evening, switching off the emails and reading a book before bed, making your workout or yoga class a priority no matter what, going out to buy yourself a nice lunch). It definitely doesn’t need to be time consuming. I see it like “treat to self” every day, no matter how small. It makes such a difference to have a treat to look forward to. In business, self-care also means focusing on what you do well and on those areas where you can have the biggest impact; cutting out anything that doesn’t help your business or role. If you can, outsource those things that do not fulfil you or yield few results because they do not meet your skills-set, do it. Don’t be afraid to invest (in help) because you can then give your best self to what really matters. Let go of the inner control freak and perfectionist; she’s stopping you from growing.